


Hey I just met you

by orphan_account



Series: Femslash Fridays [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Crossdressing, F/F, Genderswap, Knives, Rule 63, Unfinished, yes the knives deserve a tag I mean this is Nori and Fili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:18:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey, I just met you<br/>And this is crazy<br/>But your brother was kidnapped because he was hanging out with mine and now he's held prisonner by people who want to get rid of all the exiles from Erebor living in the Blue Mountains because they think he's one of the princes and we're the only one who can save him<br/>So call me maybe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> FEMSLASH FRIDAY IS UPON US
> 
> As a warning, this thing is unfinished and, considering my amazing talent at finishing things, it's quite likely to remain so.  
> I HAVE a plot, though  
> I just don't know how to write it.

Only an idiot would have mistaken Nori for a courtesan, but thank the Maker, most dwarves _were_ idiots. She had met enough of the girls in her life to know that she didn’t have the right sort of body (skinny string of nothing, Dori called her when she got him very angry. A ginger grasshopper, her mother said, a little kinder) but with enough gold and sapphires on naked skin, she felt sure that no one would notice.

She didn’t like being dressed like that. She didn’t like the way the patrons looked at her. She was enormously glad that she didn’t have to actually entertain a single one of them.

Emerald, whose place she had taken, was apparently known to be very selective, and most patrons didn’t even _try_ to ask for her services.

It was just as well, because Nori felt murderous at the moment.

She’d had to _dye_ her hair _blond_ to play the part of Emerald.

Soon, someone would _pay_ for that.

It was a constant thought in her mind as she went through everything Emerald had left behind when she had disappeared. Soon, someone would pay. Someone would die slowly and painfully. Someone would become a reminder to the world that you did not touch anyone of the house of Ri without suffering consequences for it. Someone would discover the wrath of Nori, and everyone would know that you didn’t get near her little brother unless you had a death wish.

Dori had come to _find h_ er, for the Maker’s sake, and he had _begged_ her to find Ori, who hadn’t been home in four days.

Nori hadn’t hesitated. Family was family.

Last time Ori had been seen, he’d been in the company of a boy his age (“sweet as everything, holding hands and all,” a dwarf had told Nori.) when a group of heavily armed dwarves had come and tried to catch them. Ori had apparently fought to allow the other one to escape, all the while yelling at their assailants that they didn’t know who his family was, and that they’d get in trouble for this. (And he’d been right of course. There’d be trouble. Trouble and knives in the dark). But before anyone could come to his help, the dwarves had knocked him down and half the group had taken him away, while the others had gone after the boy who had escaped.

The dwarves were strangers, most of them, but one of them was a local, one who worked for a lord Borin. Nori had payed the Lord a visit, and she’d learnt that, apparently, the royal family had been living in town since a few weeks, hiding as commoners, and that there had been a conspiracy to kidnap the princes. The only thing Lord borin knew about said conspiracy was that he received orders through one of the most expensive courtesans of Ered Luin: Emerald.

Emerald who worked in a brothel Nori knew well, what with its madam owing her a favour or two.

Emerald who had apparently left the night before Nori came to pay her a visit, apparently in a great state of panic, having told no one where she was going.

The rest had been easy. Taking Emerald place had been easy. The madam did owe her a favour, Emerald did always wear a veil on her face, after the Eastern fashion (“she’s from Erebor, same as half the girls here,” the madam had admitted, “but exoticism sells well”), Nori was a great liar. Easy.

She had sent a kid or two on Emerald’s trace, to be sure, but she felt sure that they wouldn’t find her. She, on the other hand, was sure that sooner or later, one of Emerald’s contacts would come to her to know what the rest of the plan was.

And they’d find Nori.

it would probably be the last thing they’d do, too.

You did _not_ harm Ori.

* * *

She’d been there for less than a day when at last, someone came, asking after Emerald. As per her orders, the Madam led the dwarf to her, even though he wasn’t one of the courtesan’s regulars. Nori couldn’t take any chance. Emerald’s associate might have been forced to send someone new.

And she was so bloody bored.

And more than a bit cold. White Gold was very pretty, but even wrapped in a fur, she could feel the blasted thing draining all the warmth from her body.

Company of any sort would be a welcomed distraction at that point, even if it were the sort of company who would expect her to open her legs and smile. It’d be funny to let them discover that even half naked as she was, there were still no less than four knives on her.

Nori wasn’t sure what she had expected Emerald’s patrons to be like.

But for one thing, she’d never have thought they’d be as young as the boy the Madam led into her room. He couldn’t have been more than 60, if even that, with pretty golden hair and lovely braids in his moustache and nice dark eyes and…

For a short moment, Nori thought that there was some advantages to Emerald’s life, if part of her job was to get visits from pretty little noble boys.

Then the lad bowed, saying he was delighted to meet her. Nori was glad she had Emerald’s veil on her face, hiding her smirk.

Little noble boy was a girl.

One who was good at playing boy, sure, but Nori had done that too often not to see the signs. A little something in the hips, the smile that wasn’t quite the way it’d have been on a lad, the lips that were just that tiny bit too full. And she probably wasn’t quite as young as Nori had first thought, too. She could be 70, maybe even in her 80s.

One way or another, Emerald had had a very interesting life, it seemed.

“I am so glad you would honour me with your company, my lord,” Nori simpered. “I do hope we will become good friends.”

“I am sure we will,” the disguised lass answered, her smile suddenly nervous as the madam left them alone. “I have heard a great deal about you, miss Emerald.”

“And what is it you have heard, my lord?” Nori asked, moving toward him like a cat toward a mouse.

The lass looked ridiculously tensed, and Nori thought that, just maybe, she could pause and have a little fun with her before she tried to figure out whether she was part of the conspiracy or not.

She had _not_ expected the girl to grab her as soon as she was close enough, spin her around, slam her against the nearest wall and put a dagger to her throat.

“You’re not Emerald,” the golden haired girl proclaimed. “I don’t think you’re even a whore at all.”

“Whore is a very nasty word, and Emerald was paid _far_ too much to be called one,” Nori replied tartly, grabbing one of her knives and pressing it against the lass’s side. “Beside, you’re not all you seem to be either, are you, little lady?”

“Where is Emerald?”

“Why do you look for her?”

“I’m not here to play games!” the girl growled, pressing her blade harder against Nori’s throat. “Someone important has been taken by you and your friends, and I will find him, even if I have to kill you and all the worthless piece of shit that had a part in this.”

Nori frowned in surprise.

“What do you _mean_ someone important was taken?”

“I mean my brother’s fiancé. Now, you’re going to tell me where he is, or I’ll _make_ you tell me!”

Nori’s frown deepened. Fiancé. Oh, that was bad. Dori was going to kill miss Knives’s brother, and then he’d kill Ori, and then he’d probably kill _her_ too, for having been a bad influence for their baby brother.

Unless someone else had been kidnapped recently by Emerald’s shady friends. One could hope.

“What does he look like? Your brother’s lover, how is he?”

“I’m not playing your games!”

“Is he a scribe? A bit small than me, long nose, red gold hair, wears cardigans too big for him, carries a notebook and coal everywhere he goes, stutters when he’s nervous, and he’s nervous a lot, and when he smiles he always covers his mouth with one hand?”

The blade on her throat withdrew slightly, letting her breathe more freely, and the girl threw her a surprised look.

“How do you know that?”

“We’re on the same side, lass. I’m looking for him too. His brother asked me to find him. So how about you put away your knife, I put away mine, and we try to figure out what each of us knows so we can save him quicker?”

The girl seemed to hesitate, but eventually did as Nori had suggested. She still kept a hand on the hilt, ready to strike if she needed. Nori didn’t comment on it. She’d been surprised once, but the girl wouldn’t have that advantage ever again.

“What’s your name, lass?”

“I’m… Thorin.”

“Like the Crownless, eh? Not a very lucky name, that. I’m Dwalin.”

It was a more typically male name, though, just like Thorin, it could, _in theory_ , be the outer name of a woman. Nori had met a Dwalin, once. She had mixed memories of the meeting, and having his name associated with prostitutes pleased her greatly.

That would teach him to almost _catch_ her.

“I don’t think I trust you,” Knives announced.

“But?”

“But the people who took Ori were not after him, that much I know, so they wouldn’t have bothered observing him. Yet everything you said was true, so… I can only conclude that you must know him, or someone who knows him. I’m surprised his brother would have used a… a you to find him, though. From what I’ve heard, he’s… not the sort who’d mix with _your_ sort.”

“You certainly know how to make friends, don’t you? Dori and I go way back, and he knows he can trust me on some things. Now, what have you got on these bastard?”

“Not much.”

Nori roller her eyes in annoyance. She wasn’t in the mood to play. Not when her brother was in danger.

“Fine, I’ll go first then. Emerald and her little friends thought that the Crownless’s nephews were in town, and wanted to kidnap them. Not sure why yet. For some reason, they thought that Ori and your brother were the princes and they tried their chance. How is he, by the way? Your brother?”

Knives’s eyes darkened, and her fingers tightened on her dagger’s hilt.

“Not too well. After they were attacked he managed to escape and tried to find some guards, but the bastards found him again. Lucky he’d gotten to a part of town were we have a few friends, or he’d be with Ori right now. But they broke his arm, and he’s got two black eyes, a split lip, as well as a few others things. Gave as much as he got, though. He killed one of them in defence, and there’s another that might never wake up.”

Nori nodded, pleased by the news. She didn’t know when, how, or why Ori had suddenly decided to get himself engaged, but she was glad that his dwarf was one who could protect himself.

He’d need it if he ever met Dori.

“I’ve told you all I know,” Nori said. “Your turn.”

“I don’t have much more,” Knives admitted. “They’re from Belegost. They’ve got quite a few people there who think that the exiles of Erebor should never have been welcomed in the Blue Mountains. A few of them seem to have decided that if they could threaten King Thorin’s kin, he’ll agree to make us all leave.”

Nori grimaced. “Good luck to them. The Crownless has many faults, and stubborness is the worse of them all. But that’s bad news, they’re probably halfway toward Belegost already, and it won’t be easy finding them again now…”

She didn’t like Belegost. Full of posh idiots, most of them natives from the Blue Mountains, who thought that every single exiled Ereborean was trying to rob them.

In Nori’s case it was true of course, but she felt that sort of general assumption to be very disagreeable.

“I don’t think they’ve gone yet,” Knives objected. “They only have one prince after all, or so they think, and they probably believe that Ori is the eldest of the two, since he’s got light hair. That won’t help them. Everyone knows Thorin would trust his heir to get out of there alone. A prince who can’t escape doesn’t deserve to be king. No, it’s prince Kili that they’ll really want, and I don’t think they’d leave until they have him.”

“Wonderful. Then all we have to do is find the royals, tell them their boys are in danger, and please, there’s that boy who’s disappeared because he vaguely looked like one of your lads, mind helping us with that? _Ah_! We’d be lucky just to get to them, and they’d let Ori die for their son without feeling the slightest guilt. That’s what commoners are for, anyway.”

Knives glared at her, as if Nori had personally insulted her and her family. It wasn’t just the clothes then, she really was noble. Probably from a family that had once been a great one, too. Only the really posh exiles bothered with calling the Crownless a king.

“Don’t look at me like that, kid. We don’t need royals to help us, we’ll do well enough on our own, if we can just find out where they’re hiding him.”

“You look awfully sure we’ll find them,” Knives noted, “but not a minute ago you said they were as good as gone.”

“That’s because a minute ago I tought they were in Belegost, and I don’t know it well. But Nogrod is _my_ kingdom, more than it’ll ever be that of the Crownless or even of king Gror. Let me just get dressed, and I’ll show you what a real queen can do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which not much happens to be honest  
> But Nori has a network, and she put it to work.

Nori sighed in pleasure as she put back her own clothes.

Trousers and a tunic. After nearly twelve hours half naked and covered in gold, that felt like heaven.

As did having all her knives back. _That_ was metal Nori liked having on her. She'd felt naked without her blades, more than she had because of the lack of clothes.

"I knew you weren't a whore," Knives said, looking at her with an admiring glint in her eye.

Nori had decided that Knives was definitively a far better name than Thorin for the noble lass. She seemed like someone clever. Far to clever to have anything in common for a king.

“I've told you that you shouldn't use that word,” Nori replied. “The girls here make more money in a month that you make in a year, and their job isn't an easy one. And many of them are nobility, too, so they might be part of your family. They deserve a little respect, don't you think?”

Knives pinched her lips, but didn't reply. Nori quickly checked that she hadn't forgotten anything important, then turned again toward the girl.

“Now's your chance to change your mind,” she announced. “You've got no link to Ori, no reason to get in trouble for him, and trouble is where I'm going. You reek of blue blood, and some of the people who can help me won't like that. I won't judge you if you give up now.”

“I'm not giving up! I'm coming with you, and I'm rescuing Ori. My brother and him are each other's One, and that means he's almost family. I would be a coward to abandon him now, especially when he took such risks to allow my little brother to escape! It is my duty to help save him, and if I failed in that, I would never forgive myself.”

Nori rolled her eyes. _Nobles_. A bunch of dramatic elves, the lot of them. But then again, she was going against a bunch of nobles too, and the girl might be of use. With any luck, just her face might open them a few doors along the way.

“You're coming then, miss Thorin, but you'll follow my rules, and you'll have to obey my orders. Are we clear?”

“I'll obey as long as I know what I'm obeying and why. And if you come up with a bad idea, I'll tell you.”

“If that makes you feel better. Oh, and as of now, you're my latest lover.”

It would have been worth it to deal with all the problems Knives was going to bring her, just for the look of shock and indignation on her pretty little face.

“I'm not that sort of person!”

“Fear not, little girl, I won't ask you to actually share my bed. There won't be time for it, for one thing. I'll just make it look like you do. No one will be too surprised, you'd not be the first little boy I'd debauch, though for a lad you look longer than my usual.”

She'd get teased mercilessly for that. The things she did for Ori sometimes. Let Dori call her a bad sister after that.

Still, Knives didn't look convinced.

“What if people realize I'm a woman? You saw it, others might.”

“Have you ever been discovered before?”

“Not ever,” Knives replied with no small amount of pride. “You're the first one to have ever noticed anything when I go around dressed like a man.”

“Then you're quite safe. Not everyone is as clever as me, and even if they did see anything, they wouldn't comment on it. If I introduce you as a man, then you'll be a man. No one doubts me.”

Except for people trying to take her place of course, but Knives didn't need to know that. She hadn't had any rivals in a while anyway. People didn't exactly like her, but they knew she was good at what she did and that business went well these days.

“What do you mean they don't doubt you?” Knives asked, looking doubtful. “And who's that they? Actually, who are you, really? Not a who... not a Night Gem, clearly, but who...”

“I've told you, lass,” Nori replied with a wolfish smile. “I'm a queen, and you're about to meet some of my subjects.”

/////

Knives was born to be a toy boy, in Nori's opinion. She played the role perfectly, as if she were used to playing stupid and pleasing people. Which she probably was. _Nobles_. You had to be a good actor to survive in court, or so her mother had told her. She'd been vaguely noble, in Erebor, until she'd started having children without being married. Never a good move, that, when you were among proper people. Never been a problem among Nori's people, though. There weren't many girls in the Trade, but most of them had a child or two somewhere. The rules were different in the Trade.

Still, Knives was good at this, managing to appear like a delicate, silly boy, and yet moving in a way that left no doubts about the fact that she was a man. Nori had enormous fun playing her own part, touching the lass in a way that was carefully calculated to appear accidental while still making it clear that she was marking her newest toy as _hers_. Knives didn't seem entirely at ease with that, which made her look vulnerable and innocent, meaning that the others would be even less likely to see her as a threat.

Excellent.

Nori took Knives straight to the tavern where she knew most of her little court could usually be found. It was a risk of course, letting someone like her into the headquarters of the Trade, but one she had to take, for Ori.

No one looked at them when they arrived. That seemed to surprise Knives, but she didn't comment on it, just as she said nothing when she was dragged into a small room at the back of the tavern, looking suitably worried. An act, that, Nori felt sure of it. The lass's posture was just slightly too relaxed for her to be as nervous as she tried to appear.

Most of the usual gang was there, as they should be. Nori had told them she might be away for a moment, and she’d left her business in the hands of Darj and her brother Dana, who were… friends, after a fashion. As close to friends as you could hope to have in the Trade anyway. Nori liked them, and she rather hoped she’d never end up having to kill them. It was hard to find people who were good at the Trade and yet were interested in things _beside_ that.

“Tired of playing the pretty girl already?” Dana joked as soon as she closed the door behind her and Knives. “And here I was, hoping I’d come and see you all dressed up…”

“Even if you had all the gold in the world you’d never see me naked, Dan,” Nori answered with a grin, earning a few snigger from the dwarves in the room. “Beside, I’ve got everything I need to keep myself entertained,” she added, pointing at Knives with one hand, while with the other she announced in Iglishmek that she wanted to be left alone with her seconds.

In an instant, the four of them were alone in the back room.

“I’ve told you already that we’re not sharing lovers,” Dana warned her, though the way he looked at Knives made it clear he wouldn’t mind if someone tried to convince him. “Were did you find that one?”

“The people who took Ori tried to take his brother too. He’s my new best friend at the moment, aren’t you boy?”

Knives glared at her, but did not protest.

“Oh, about the kid, we’ve got news,” Dana cheerfully announced. He turned to his sister who nodded sternly, and then went on. “That lass, Emerald, she left the city by the big door, and then she came back this morning by the Lead Way.”

“Who let her in?”

“Old Berin, and he said that she knew this week’s word but paid him two gold coins to keep silent about seeing her.”

Which meant she must have been very afraid, Nori thought. The usual price for a silent passage through the secret ways was one silver coin. Most of the old guardians had never even seen gold in their lives.

Showed dear miss Emerald wasn’t used to dealing with commoners, and even less with dwarves of the Trade. Meant someone had told her about Lead Way too, someone important enough to have know the password that gave permission to come in without stating what business one had in the city (they were thief and throat-cutter, _yes_ , but that didn’t mean they were _stupid_ , and Nori liked to know why people said they came into _her_ city, but people who were on a mission for her had to have a way to come and go as they pleased) but who hadn’t thought of telling her that you didn’t pay when you knew the word.

“Did Berin see where she was going?”

“No, it’s market day, and she had a hood. But little Tarn was with his brother.”

“Perfect,” Nori replied. Tarn was one of the children of the Trade, and like all of them, he’d been trained in following people. They should have updates on the situation soon enough.

Nori sat on a chair, and invited Knives to do the same. The lass seemed surprised by the conversation, but she was smart enough not to say anything.

She would have to make sure that little noble girl didn’t understand too much of what was going on. She didn’t want to have to kill her once all was over, not if Ori _really_ had decided to marry her brother. These things tended to make family reunions so complicated sometimes, and Dori would create them all enough problems as it was.

“So, what news do you bring?” Dana asked, and Darj looked just as curious as him.

“People hate the line of Durin and want to get rid of the Crownless,” she announced dramatically.

Dana roared with laughter, as she expected, and even Darj let out the quiet sound that was her laugh.

“What else is new?” Dana mocked. “ _Everyone_ hates them. Tell me _we’re_ on the side who hates them too this time?”

Knives tensed again, and glared at Dana. Fervent monarchist, that one, Nori thought, if she didn’t mind being seen like a fuck toy, but got _angry_ at the first mention of the royals’ unpopularity. Her story would have to be checked, then. There were few nobles who were _that_ loyal to the royals these days, and her defensiveness was suspicious at best. Nori had learnt long ago that a paranoiac thief was a thief more likely to survive. She had to learn more about her new friend, then. Later.

“We're with the blue bloods this time, Dan,” she sighed. “Ori's new friends are on the other side, and that puts us with the Crownless. Who is in town, with the family, or so rumours has it.”

“Wouldn't we have heard of that if it were true?”

“Not if they're good at hiding, and had some help. Darj, send out the kids, try to see if there's any truth there. Ori was taken, but it's the princes they were after, and it might help if we know where they are.” Darj nodded. Nori made a discreet sign to show Knives. Darj didn't nod this time, but blinked.

“I'll wait where you know,” Nori claimed. “Well, _we'll_ wait where you know. Make sure to remind the kids to knock. There's a few things they don't need to learn just yet, do they?”

“Try not to break the lad!” Dana sniggered. “And don't tire yourself too much, or you won't be in any state to save the baby. I'd have to go myself then, and we both know he wouldn't resist my charm.”

Nori laughed and stood up, dragging Knives with her.

“Dana, if you so much as look at Ori, I will cut your stones and make you eat them. I'm sure Darj will help with that, too.”

Darj smirked, Dana laughed, and Nori left with Knives. She took the lass back into the main room of the tavern and after requesting two mugs of cheap ale and whatever food was on the menu that day, she dragged the girl upstairs, in a bedroom that wasn't exactly _hers_ as such, but was still never let to clients and for which she had the only key.

“What do we do now then?” Knives asked as soon as the door was closed. “Are we going about that Emerald?”

“Without knowing where she is? That'd be pointless, kid.”

“Then what...”

“We wait, kid. We wait.”

And so they waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't decided yet if Darj is mute or just not very talkative. I might never decide.
> 
> And next chapter should be from Fili's pov, if I have things my way.

**Author's Note:**

> Belegost and Nogrod are dwarven cities of the Blue Mountain that were technically destroyed LONG before Thorin's time.  
> But sonce we know next to nothing about Ered Luin and life there, I've decided that it wasn't unlikely that the dwarves had gone back there at some point.  
> I mean, if they're so stubborn about living in Khazad Dum, I'd imagine they are as attached to their other cities as well, wouldn't they?


End file.
